- Dwelling in the presence of Jesus, who is the light and hope of my life.
- The love of my family and friends, even when transmitted over Zoom.
- Dumb jokes.
What Your Seminary Says About You
Virginia Theological Seminary
You are 27 years old and contemplating your first run for bishop.
Church Divinity School of the Pacific
You own at least one article of clothing made out of hemp.
San Francisco Theological Seminary
You got into CDSP, but hemp makes you itch.
Philadelphia Divinity School
You are old.
You don’t understand why people say the North Shore is out of touch.
You don’t really mind that no one has heard of you.
You wanted to go to seminary but you also had other stuff to do, you know?
Calvin Theological Seminary
Your last name begins with a V.
You are exploring your call toward celibacy.
Pacific School of Religion
You are exploring your call toward polyamory.
You are exploring your call toward getting an unemployable Ph.D.
You feel most at home in settings that replicate your dysfunctional family of origin.
General Theological Seminary
You have seriously considered pursuing a career as a vestment model.
You don’t care that much about vestments, but you still thought it would be cool to go to seminary in New York.
You wonder why your friends reach for their drinks every time you say the word “praxis.”
You are tempted to reach for your own drink every time you say, “No, the other Union.”
Harvard Divinity School
You are Unitarian, or wish you were.
Yale Divinity School
You are Episcopalian, or wish you were.
You took great umbrage at the absence of a separate entry for Berkeley in the first draft of this post.
You’re still not sure whether it’s technically true that you went to Yale.
Catholic Theological Union
You’re not that kind of Catholic.
You are that kind of Catholic.
Boston University School of Theology
You’re not Catholic. That’s Boston College.
Loyola University Chicago
You’re not Catholic but Loyola gave you pretty good financial aid, so.
You believe with all your heart that the Catholic Church will start ordaining women any day now.
Princeton Theological Seminary
You’re not that kind of evangelical.
You totally are that kind of evangelical, but you also love trees.
Trinity School for Ministry
You totally are that kind of evangelical. WANNA FIGHT?!?!?!
You are not an evangelical. Well, it depends on what you mean by “evangelical.” It’s complicated.
You are a former InterVarsity staff worker and have the relentless enthusiasm to prove it.
Episcopal Theological Seminary
You are old.
You see no reason not to say you went to seminary in Chicago.
Bangor Theological Seminary
You can ride a moose, but you don’t make a big deal about it.
You no longer bother to correct people who assume you are from Moravia, the country.
You can’t understand how two financially unstable seminaries managed to consolidate into one equally financially unstable seminary.
You really wish people would stop asking you about Ravi Zacharias.
Iliff School of Theology
You really wish people would stop asking you about Nadia Bolz-Weber.
Duke Divinity School
You really wish people would stop asking you about the Traditional Plan.
You really wish people would START asking you about the Traditional Plan.
You really wish people would stop mimicking the way you say “about.”
You have thought long and hard about whether you are an Emily or an Amy.
Wesley Theological Seminary
You believe that roads have middles for a reason.
Lancaster Theological Seminary
You spend a lot of time saying, “No, it’s LANK-uh-stir.”
Perkins School of Theology
You’re not from THAT seminary in Dallas.
Dallas Theological Seminary
You are only aware of one seminary in Dallas.
Columbia Theological Seminary
You have an impeccable wardrobe and a quiet sense of judgment.
School of Theology at Sewanee
You wonder if it would be in poor taste to wear a seersucker alb.
Lutheran School of Theology at Gettysburg
You’re not here for the drama.
Lutheran School of Theology at Philadelphia
You are SO here for the drama.
Lutheran School of Theology at Chicago
You pronounce each letter of “LGBTQ+” as a separate word.
McCormick Theological Seminary
You feel quietly superior to people who went to LSTC.
You believe that chanting the words “community organizing” counts as community organizing.
You are offended when people assume you believe in God, but also offended when they assume you don’t.
Meadville Lombard Theological School
You spend a lot of time riding public transit.
Vanderbilt Divinity School
You claim to know Amy-Jill Levine personally, even if you don’t.
You are startled by the assumptions people make when they learn that you went to seminary in Fort Worth.
You have three hobbies: drinking craft beer, discussing craft beer, and thinking up catchy names for worship services held in bars.
Seminary of the Southwest
You spend a lot of time explaining that you went to a real seminary.
Fuller Theological Seminary
You own 18 pairs of flip-flops and an electric guitar.
North Park Theological Seminary
You are Swedish.
Multnomah Biblical Seminary
You are not reading this post.